you did NOT make it on my team.. in fact, you need to get outta my damn ARENA!

yes, it's 4 pm on a thursday and my ass is AT HOME! YAY for short work days! as soon as we got the OK from the boss to leave early, my ass was out the door. i was planning on using my extra hours of freedom to go do some shopping and get a mani/pedi.. but it is so freakin' HOT that by the time i got back to my apartment, i didn't wanna leave. haha.

so since i'm single now, i'm really enjoying my freedom. i love being single. i don't really think i'm that great at relationships. i don't like having someone to answer to, i don't like having to worry about someone else, and i don't do the romance mushy shit. but i do enjoy being showered with attention, and tho i'm too damn lazy [and busy] to do the whole dating thing, i have been meeting guys and the ones who make the cut, i've added to my roster. the others.. well, they just don't need to be interacting with other humans.

a couple weekends ago, i went to this BBQ with my old college roomies. there was this one guy there.. tall, dark, pretty cute.. plus he had a nice, round, plump, perky BOOTY! mmm mmm MMM!! anyway, he seemed cool, so we exchanged phone numbers. i quickly realized after talking to him that i needed to mark a big fat "HELLLLL NO!!!" on his forehead and send his ass back to where he came from.

STRIKE 1 [after i tell him about my job]:
him: oh, so you like have to go to school for that, huh?
me: yeah.
him: so where do you go?
me: i actually already graduated.
him: from where?
me: uc berkeley
him: oh wow, ma. that's like a really good school, isn't it? isn't it 4 years?
me: um, yeah.
him: so you smart, ma! that's wassup.
me: yeah. what about you?
him: oh, naw.. school and me don't mix. shiiit, i hardly made it thru the 4 years of HIGH SCHOOL, and niggas out there tryna go back for another 4 years?!! ya'll TRIPPIN'! i mean, i got respect for those who go to college and shit, but naw.. it ain't for me.

STRIKE 2.. and 3, and 4.. [talking about our past relationships]:
him: it's hard for me to start up something new with a female cuz my baby momma crazy. she one of them crazy girls who don't want nobody else to have me, ya feel me?
me: okay.
him: me and her got into it a few months ago.. so of course since i'm the man, i got arrested for assault and battery. and then the bitch took a restraining order out on me and i can't see my daughter!
me: ........

so on top of not believing in higher education, this dude has a child, has a restraining order against him, and refers to his ex as "bitch." [as much as i love that word and the fact that that word comes out my mouth like verbal diarrhea, i don't like it when a guy refers to a female by that term] and he calls me "ma" every 3 minutes. ughhh.. NO GROWN ASS MAN NEEDS TO BE CALLIN' ME "MA" unless i'm 60 years old and once pushed you outta my vajayjay!!!! of course, i've since decided that this fool does not deserve any of my anytime minutes.. 39214783175 roll-over minutes included! the last time we talked, i actually hung up on him in the middle of a conversation [even at&t drops calls once in a while!]. so he's been callin' and callin' and textin' and leaving me messages like, "aye, ma.. what's good.. just thinkin' of yo' sexy self.. hit me back! don't make me have to find you [evil chuckle]!" a restraining order? against YOU? noooo.. i can't imagine.

what a waste of a nice, perky ass. damn shame.

i love drama. as long as it ain't mines!

i know it's been a minute.. i'm tryna get back into blogging and shit, but it's hard.. especially since i don't have much to write about cuz all i do all damn day is work, eat, shit, and sleep.

anyway, this one couple who lives in the BUILDING NEXT TO US is constantly fighting. they really got into it earlier this evening. i love this shit cuz i'm so muthafuckin' nosy when it comes to other people's drama.. i'm in my room with the lights off, windows wide open and pressed up against it tryna hear what shit is going down today. it's tough to hear everything cuz the girl is screaming hella loud and talkin' way too damn fast [you know how us females get when we excited] and the guy is mumbling and shit.. so all i could make out is:

her: MAYBE IF YOU PICKED UP YO' PHONE, I WOULDN'T BE TRIPPIN'!!
him: WHY YOU GOTTA BE ON MY CASE ALL THE DAMN TIME, DAAAMN!! mumble, mumble, mumble..
her: IF YOU WASN'T BEING SO GODDAMN SHADY, I WOULDN'T BE ON YOU LIKE THAT! YOU ALWAYS TRYNA PLAY ME AND SHIT!!!
him: DAMN, QUIT YELLING!!! mumble, mumble, mumble..
her: I'M YELLIN' CUZ YOU DON'T HEAR ME, NIG-GAAAA.
him: FUCK YOU, GIMME MY KEYS BACK! mumble, mumble, mumble..
her: I AIN'T GIVING YOU SHIIIIIT!!!!!

silence.. then i hear a door slam.. car starts up.. so i peek out my window to see if i can see what's going on.. and ol' boy is in his car about to drive off, when his pissed-the-fuck-off woman comes charging outta their house with a tall ass kitchen trashcan.. and THROWS THAT SHIT AT HIS CAR AS HE'S DRIVING OFF!! hahahaaaaaaaa! dude stops his car, gets out, and screams:

him: WHAT THE FUCK.. ?!?!?!!! BITCH, YOU PUT A DENT IN MY CAR!!!
her: AND????
him: YOU CRAZY.. YOU 'BOUT TO PAY FOR THE BODY WORK AND NEW PAINT.
her: I AIN'T PAYIN' FOR SHIIIIT, NIG-GAAA!!!!!
him: YES YOU ARE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THREW A MUTHAFUCKIN' TRASH CAN AT MY CAR!
her: HAVE THAT OTHER BITCH PAY FOR IT!

ol' boy jumps back into his car and skee-skirts outta there. DAMN, i wish i lived closer so i could get ALL the juicy details. dude, this shit is so entertaining, i kid you not. this same couple woke me up a couple days ago at 10 in the damn morning [and i was mad cuz i like to sleep in on the weekends] with their fighting and i thought someone was watching maury. with all that fighting, they better be having some bomb ass make-up sex. otherwise it ain't worth it to stay together, ha.

i have some other updates for ya'll in regards to trey and some new players that i've added to my roster.. but i don't have the time to write about it right now. i'll be sure to write another entry hopefully soon about that.

i hate [almost] equally!

thank you, anonymous poster, for your comment on my last entry!! i really wish you would have left your name, or some contact information, so i could make this more personable.

i SOUND like a racist? oh, honey.. please stick around and continue reading my shit because i wanna know how you feel about me talkin' shit about the mexican guy in my building coming home drunk and cursing in the middle of the courtyard at 2 am, or about the black guy who lives downstairs who blasts his music throughout the night so nobody in the building can get a peaceful night's rest regardless of the complaints, or just how damn difficult it is to deal with our middle-eastern clients at work, or about how many times i've cheated death while driving thru a crowded asian supermarket parking lot filled with angry lil' asian women behind the wheels of their toyota corollas.. PLEASE!!

assholism crosses all color lines. i have no tolerance for assholes - black assholes, white assholes, mexican assholes, asian assholes - i don't fuckin' care if the damn united nations got together and had an orgy and 9 months later you popped out.. assholes are assholes. well, wait.. okay, i admit.. i may have less tolerance for white folks and i may pick on them more and i may not feel as bad for a struggling white man as i do a struggling black/latino/asian man. so if i'm "racist" because i get a LITTLE more worked up when a WHITE MAN escorts me out of a store in front of all the other customers like i'm some kind of criminal, then great.. i was really worried there for a minute that perhaps you did not see my "i hate white people" tattoo on my forehead! [for those who have a life pass on the short bus: note the sarcasm, kthx]

let this be a disclaimer: i talk a lot of shit about people who tickle me the wrong way. i don't give a damn what color they are. if they piss me off, they piss me the FUCK off! i will continue to mention characteristics of them, including their fucked up teeth, messed up hair, lack of style, and other details of how they look. i like to think i'm painting a picture for my readers. if you don't like what i have to write please don't read it. nobody is forcing you to read my shit and nobody asked for your fuckin' opinion.

sorry, must be my "angry little mixed girl syndrome."

go preach to someone who also thinks it "sucks" and actually gives a fuck.

i have no problem managing my anger.. as long as you don't PISS ME OFF!

never in my 25 years of life have i ever thought i'd one day be ESCORTED out of anywhere, much less the muthafuckin' DOLLAR STORE! what.. the.. FUCK.

so earlier this week, i had to go buy some garbage bags and i wasn't tryna pay no $6.99 for some bags at target when the dollar tree across the street sells them for $1. apparently, the dollar tree closes at 9 pm, right.. i get there at 8:55 pm. so technically, I HAVE 5 MUTHAFUCKIN' MINUTES LEFT TO GRAB MY SHIT! so you'd think! why when i walk up to the door, this 75-year-old wrinkly white man who obviously had a dick left in his asshole from the night before, stops me and tells me curtly, "sorry, we're closed." i look at the sign that says they close at 9 pm, glance down at my watch and it says 8:55 pm, and respond, "you close at 9. it's not 9 yet. i just need to get one thing." he shakes his head and repeats, "sorry, CLOSED!" and slams the sliding door close in my face. i'm standing there thinking, what a fucking BITCH. so i walk back to my car.. think about it.. and decide to go back to get my garbage bags. i see people coming out of the store and the wrinkly wannabe-rent-a-cop man who wouldn't let me in is standing by a cashier with his back to me so i see this as an opportunity to sneak in. so i run in, but i guess the cashier must have seen me and pointed me out, and what do you know.. wannabe-rent-a-cop corners me when i get to the third aisle and says, "sorry, WE'RE CLOSED! you need to leave!" i need to leave?!! now this is happening right in front of the line of 8-10 people waiting to check-out.. so i'm beyond pissed at this point because this white man is tryna make me look bad in front of all the other customers! HELL NAW.. obviously grandpa don't know AKI!!! so i say [just as loud].. "i only want one thing, i know exactly what i want and it's RIGHT THERE [within arm's reach]. i can't get it?" he shakes his head and moves in closer to me, arm reaching out to guide me out, and says, "NO, YOU CAN'T! the cash register is closed!" WHAT?!! i look behind him at the line of people and am like, "what the fuck you mean the cashier is closed?!! there are PEOPLE STILL IN LINE! it is not even 9 yet. all i want is ONE THING.. it's the fuckin' dollar store.. this shit is $1.08 with tax! i don't need a fuckin' cashier with her fancy register to tell me that, i'll just give you the fuckin' money!" now i'm ranting and raving because i am so pissed that this man 1) turned me away 5 minutes before closing, 2) made me sneak back into the store, 3) hunted me down to stop me from buying my garbage bags, and 4) was doing all of this in front of everybody else. so i didn't give a fuck. and when the old man actually touched my shoulder to escort me out of the store, oh no.. that's a NO-NO. you don't touch me if you don't know me.. i sure as hell did scream at him to not fuckin' touch me. he just kept inching me towards the door.. so i was like FUCK IT.. i'm done. what a bitch.. i hope i did give him a fuckin' heart attack, old ass muthafuckin' BITCH!!! but hey.. can't blame him.. if i was 75-years-old and still working at the DOLLAR TREE as a fake ass DOOR MAN, i, too, would act like that. OH, and you already know i told him exactly that as he was escorting me out the store. AND i said it loud enough to embarrass his geriatric ass.

oh, and i think the old man was scared of me, too.. cuz he was watching me from inside the store to make sure i got into my car and left, before he came back outside. OMG, if i was allowed to, you best believe i would have run his ass down with my car and spit on his pasty white ass as i drove off! i am getting all worked up again just writing about this.. but i'll be damned if someone [especially an old ass white man] was to talk to me the way he did, treat me like a criminal and escort me out a store. the FUCK do you think you ARE?!! and all this stemmed from his bitch ass not letting me in the store 5 minutes before closing. hey, buddy.. i don't work at the dollar store making minimum wage like you do, so i don't need to do all my shopping there! it's not like i was gonna shop around in that fuckin' store.. i need ONE THING and i knew exactly where it was at. and with 10 people still in line waiting to check-out, the hell would one more be?!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

anyway, ryan broke his ankle playing basketball, so i've been busy taking care of his crippled ass. see how nice i am? tho i'll admit.. taking care of people is sooo not me, haha. forreals.. i've noticed every man [my father, brothers, boyfriends, male friends, etc] all act like the world is coming to an end when they are sick. i mean, really? sheesh, caring for a sick man is like caring for a CHILD! fuck birth control.. just having to take care of someone and answer to their every call is enough to tell me that i am NOT ready for no child any time soon, haha.

anyway, it's finally friday and i can [hopefully] get some relaxation in. i need it. it's been one stressful week and if i don't get any R&R i swear i'll hurt some bitches.

doing ME, cuz it's the best i can do..

this is like the 3rd time i've started this particular post. i had to take a break because i seen this big ass red spider crawling on my ceiling and i really did not want it to get lazy, lose its grip, and fall on my bed.. or worse, my head. i couldn't kill it cuz i'm not tall enough to reach the ceiling, so i turned off the lights, left the room [thus leaving this blog half-finished], took a shower.. and when i just came back into the room, the spider is nowhere to be found. so i'm sitting here, hella paranoid that the lil bitch is probably chillin' somewhere in my closet, under my clothes.. or on the floor and i'mma step on it. ughhh.. let's hope it doesn't eat me alive in my sleep tonight.

anyway, i guess i should give ya'll a lil update on my personal life. for those of you who haven't heard yet, ya girl is SINGLE now! it was my decision and had nothing to do with anything ryan did or didn't do. i just came to the realization that i wasn't as invested in our relationship as he was. i started picking fights over bullshit. he's hurting over this, i know, but i gotta do me for a minute. he is truly a GREAT guy, and perhaps one of the BEST men i've ever met and will probably ever know. i love him, but honestly, i'm not in love with him.. and your heart will feel what it feels, and sometimes it unfortunately doesn't agree with what you head wants to feel. i do think tho, if it were a different time.. our relationship probably would have worked, and it probably would have lasted.. and dare i say, lasted FOREVER. but i guess our timing was off.. i don't think i gave myself an opportunity to truly heal from my relationship with trey, and that's where i fucked up. even tho ryan and i didn't become official until nearly a year after i ended things with trey, ryan was still very THERE in my life 7-8 months prior to us becoming official. so i basically had a true 3-4 months of being single. in a way, i feel like ryan became a rebound that happened to last 2.5 years. i'm not saying my feelings for ryan weren't real, because they are.. but at this point in my life, i'm not getting any younger, and if i can't see a future with the man i am in a serious relationship with, i don't need to be in a serious relationship. maybe this ME time might be exactly what i need to show myself that i really DO want to be with ryan, or maybe it will just confirm to me that hey.. it's not where i need to be right now.

as for the dating scene.. i'm really not tryna do it. however, there is this one guy who is definitely tryna change my mind. and i'd be lyin' like a muthafucka if i said i wasn't feelin' him, cuz i am. but i'm not about to jump into nothing serious with nobody right now because it's gonna end up blowing up in my face, and i can't disrespect ryan like that. plus, if dude is real with me about his feelings for me, he'll wait around. i'll see how things progress, and don't worry.. i'll keep ya'll updated.

as for my work life.. same ol' shit. i currently work in the health benefits/insurance industry, and i'll just say.. the types of people i get to deal with on a daily basis are some CHARACTERS, man! i spent a good chunk of my day dealing with this crazy vietnamese woman and an unpaid medical bill from 2006 that had gone to collections.. for an outstanding balance of - get this - $3.52!!! yes, yes.. i kid you not.. this stupid bitch let this claim go to COLLECTIONS over an amount that is not even enough to pay for a gallon of gas! it was a whole bunch of:

crazy bitch: i don't get it. why i have to pay?
me: because it's your co-insurance.
crazy bitch: what! no, why i need to pay? i already pay my premium! why i need co-insurance? don't i have co-pay?
me: yes, you actually have a $20 co-pay for this particular claim, however your insurance processed the claim incorrectly and instead of having you pay a $20 co-pay, they are having you pay co-insurance which comes out to $3.52.
crazy bitch: no, no.. still why i need to pay $3.52? i already have CO-PAY! already paid my PREEEMIUM!!!

DUDE, your premium has nothing to do with your benefits! it still amazes me how many people think just cuz they payin' premiums that they don't need to pay nothing else. ha, i WISH! i was THISCLOSE to just telling this broad, LOOK BITCH.. IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN PAY THE $20 CO-PAY INSTEAD! geeez.. goddamn.. either pay the fuckin' $3.52 that you owe in co-insurance or quit cryin' about it going to collections! i swear to bob i think sometimes these folks purposely try to make other people's jobs harder than it needs to be, ha.

this is all you're getting from me today. and i still haven't seen that damn spider..

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY EVERY DAY, BITCH!

YUP, that's right.. ya girl is 25 today! damn.. where the hell did the years go. 25 sounds so fuckin' GROWN. ever since i turned 21, i find myself getting all down around my birthday each year.. i don't WANT to be another year older! then i realize.. on my 50th birthday, i'mma WISH i was turning 25! so i might as well suck it up and enjoy it. :) since it's thursday, i can't celebrate my birthday the way i want today.. but i will be this weekend! cuz it's my muthafuckin' birthday every damn day!

dude.. i have GOT to move outta this place as soon as my lease is up. the people who live in this complex are some characters, i tell ya! last night, i was awakened in the middle of the goddamn night by some bitch ass muthafucka standing outside screaming on his phone at his girl, some broad named jimena. all i heard for a good 45 mins was:

guy: why do you always make me look bad in front of your girls? YES, you do! oh my god, jimena, you DO! all the muthafuckin' time!
..
guy: where the fuck are you right now? see, you're out.. and i'm at home! i'm at home tryna work shit out with you! and your ass is out.
..
guy: i call your mom because i can never get a hold of you to talk this out! that's why i call your momma! c'mon, jimena.. don't be like that.. no, what? WHAT THE HELL.. cuz i muthafuckin' LOVE yo' ass, girl!
..
guy: you know what then.. you can come back and get your damn things and get the fuck out!
..
guy: wait, look.. i'm sorry. why do you treat me like shit all the time? damn, jimena.. why??????

DUDE, i will tell you why your girl jimena don't wanna be with you. cuz you WHINE and CRY like a bitch. fellas.. if ya'll gon' air your dirty laundry in the middle of the night for half of the building to hear, please man up and tell your girl some shit like, "don't worry about it.. i'll have your shit packed and outside the door when you get back!" don't threaten to kick her out and then apologize and ask her why she treats you like animal. forreals, if you gon' act like a bitch, please bitch it out in the privacy of your own damn home.

ughhh.. yes, i am so tired of all the inconsiderate bastards who live in this complex, making noise at all hours of the morning AND night. clearly you don't have a job, but other folks do and we NEED OUR MUTHAFUCKIN' SLEEP! that's why ya'll get the late rent notice on your door each month. tsk, tsk. grown ass folks with 5 kids and a new SUV, but no money to pay the rent. damn shame.

anyway, that's all the "write" i have in me right now.. i'll try to update on a regular basis. i really do need to get back into blogging mode.

popping my cherry..

my blogging cherry that is! it feels like losing my virginity, but with less nervousness and pain.

YAY i'm back to writing.. i'm excited. i'll prolly get like 3 readers on this shit.. but i don't give a damn. i've been on a blogging hiatus, mainly because i've been so busy with work and the drama in my life has died down since i graduated.

anyway.. i'm still tryna get used to how to navigate around this site.. this shit is real complicated, man. too many buttons and options and links.. but i'll figure this out.

i'll be back later to write more!