Thursday, May 22, 2008

doing ME, cuz it's the best i can do..

this is like the 3rd time i've started this particular post. i had to take a break because i seen this big ass red spider crawling on my ceiling and i really did not want it to get lazy, lose its grip, and fall on my bed.. or worse, my head. i couldn't kill it cuz i'm not tall enough to reach the ceiling, so i turned off the lights, left the room [thus leaving this blog half-finished], took a shower.. and when i just came back into the room, the spider is nowhere to be found. so i'm sitting here, hella paranoid that the lil bitch is probably chillin' somewhere in my closet, under my clothes.. or on the floor and i'mma step on it. ughhh.. let's hope it doesn't eat me alive in my sleep tonight.

anyway, i guess i should give ya'll a lil update on my personal life. for those of you who haven't heard yet, ya girl is SINGLE now! it was my decision and had nothing to do with anything ryan did or didn't do. i just came to the realization that i wasn't as invested in our relationship as he was. i started picking fights over bullshit. he's hurting over this, i know, but i gotta do me for a minute. he is truly a GREAT guy, and perhaps one of the BEST men i've ever met and will probably ever know. i love him, but honestly, i'm not in love with him.. and your heart will feel what it feels, and sometimes it unfortunately doesn't agree with what you head wants to feel. i do think tho, if it were a different time.. our relationship probably would have worked, and it probably would have lasted.. and dare i say, lasted FOREVER. but i guess our timing was off.. i don't think i gave myself an opportunity to truly heal from my relationship with trey, and that's where i fucked up. even tho ryan and i didn't become official until nearly a year after i ended things with trey, ryan was still very THERE in my life 7-8 months prior to us becoming official. so i basically had a true 3-4 months of being single. in a way, i feel like ryan became a rebound that happened to last 2.5 years. i'm not saying my feelings for ryan weren't real, because they are.. but at this point in my life, i'm not getting any younger, and if i can't see a future with the man i am in a serious relationship with, i don't need to be in a serious relationship. maybe this ME time might be exactly what i need to show myself that i really DO want to be with ryan, or maybe it will just confirm to me that hey.. it's not where i need to be right now.

as for the dating scene.. i'm really not tryna do it. however, there is this one guy who is definitely tryna change my mind. and i'd be lyin' like a muthafucka if i said i wasn't feelin' him, cuz i am. but i'm not about to jump into nothing serious with nobody right now because it's gonna end up blowing up in my face, and i can't disrespect ryan like that. plus, if dude is real with me about his feelings for me, he'll wait around. i'll see how things progress, and don't worry.. i'll keep ya'll updated.

as for my work life.. same ol' shit. i currently work in the health benefits/insurance industry, and i'll just say.. the types of people i get to deal with on a daily basis are some CHARACTERS, man! i spent a good chunk of my day dealing with this crazy vietnamese woman and an unpaid medical bill from 2006 that had gone to collections.. for an outstanding balance of - get this - $3.52!!! yes, yes.. i kid you not.. this stupid bitch let this claim go to COLLECTIONS over an amount that is not even enough to pay for a gallon of gas! it was a whole bunch of:

crazy bitch: i don't get it. why i have to pay?
me: because it's your co-insurance.
crazy bitch: what! no, why i need to pay? i already pay my premium! why i need co-insurance? don't i have co-pay?
me: yes, you actually have a $20 co-pay for this particular claim, however your insurance processed the claim incorrectly and instead of having you pay a $20 co-pay, they are having you pay co-insurance which comes out to $3.52.
crazy bitch: no, no.. still why i need to pay $3.52? i already have CO-PAY! already paid my PREEEMIUM!!!

DUDE, your premium has nothing to do with your benefits! it still amazes me how many people think just cuz they payin' premiums that they don't need to pay nothing else. ha, i WISH! i was THISCLOSE to just telling this broad, LOOK BITCH.. IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN PAY THE $20 CO-PAY INSTEAD! geeez.. goddamn.. either pay the fuckin' $3.52 that you owe in co-insurance or quit cryin' about it going to collections! i swear to bob i think sometimes these folks purposely try to make other people's jobs harder than it needs to be, ha.

this is all you're getting from me today. and i still haven't seen that damn spider..


The Black Kat said...

Okay... you know I already knew the "end" was near, based upon our prior conversation. But I absolutely loved Ryan so... If I said I wasn't a lil' sad for him, I'd be lyin'. All of this over Carmelo? lmao! Just kidding. But seriously... girl, you definitely have/had to do what was best for you. And despite the hurt feelings, you looked out for you (and him, by not stringing him along). I'm proud of you for that. =o)

I knew when you didn't have him kill the spider, that y'all were no longer roomies, either. However... no ma'am on just turning out the lights & leaving the room. Your ass better get a broom next time & kill that sucker! With your 5'3" self. *smh*

$3.52? Girl, please stop the madness. Those folks are the type to make you wanna hang up on folks. Grrr...

Email me tomorrow. I need to give you some "other" information. Actually, I'll email you. Lubs you!

LD said...

That spider sounds really scary. Red, and Big? UGH. I would have used a broom and smashed that sucker.



Teana said...

haha, if that spider were in my sister's room, she'd be screaming for me to come kill it. but i'm with black kat, you can't leave those suckers for a second or you'll never find them again.

i'm sorry to hear about you and ryan but you did what was best for the both of you. and when it comes down to it, that's what is most important.

you should hear some of the phone calls i get to handle...people get mad over the stupidest things! we need to trade stories sometime.

she so foxxy! said...

kat - actually, ryan and i are still living together until our lease is up. reason why i didn't have him kill the spider is cuz he was at the gym, and he had actually JUST left for the gym when i saw the spider, and i didn't wanna keep my eye on that sucker for 1 hr+ until ryan came back. besides, ryan JUST killed another spider for me the night before, lol. OH and still waiting on your email :)

ld - YES, the bastard was RED!!! i was looking for something to kill it with that would reach up to the ceiling, but i didn't want to miss and whack the spider and make it fall on my head. haha.

teana - i got soo many stories i could share about the types of ppl i deal with at work. as for your sister and the spiders.. nothing wrong with that! i am terrified of them and i'm proud to say i'm the one screaming for someone else to come kill the spider for me, haha.

The Black Kat said...

Okay... we definitely have to talk. I was swamped at the job today. I'll email you in a few.

But I'll admit... I can kill a spider, but the bugs... specifically the roaches or a waterbug in NYC, NO MA'AM! I went to NYC to see one of my friends one time. He was at work & I got up... took a shower & saw something big crawling around the floor by the toilet or something. I went to fly outta the bathroom & that sucker (I swear) tried to beat me to the door. lmao! I slammed that bathroom door shut so fast & was like... Dayum if I have to use the bathroom before this cat gets home, cause I will have to hold that *ish in. *smh* When he got home, I told him there was some kind of big ass bug in his bathroom earlier. He was like, "Did you kill it?" I said, "HELL NAW!! I shut the door & it was a wrap on that!" I swear he tried to get mad, girl. But uh... sorry, playa. I don't have to deal w/ that type of thing in CO. Cause whatever the eff that *ish was, it was entirely TOO BIG for me to be attempting to kill.

Melody.Darlene said...

damn girl the last time we left off (via xanga) was like 3 or 4 years ago and thats when trey was around.... i need to catch up! hahah!

Black Kat said...

P.S. I'm bitin' the "i swear to bob" joint. I likes! =o)

-Q. said...

Just swingin through.. First Time in.. Dont walk away from GREAT things when your blessed with them. Seem like you really care about ur ex/freind.. If it worked/works why mess it up.. Anywayz best of luck boo- Q.

Melody.Darlene said...

ummm aki, ya imma need u to not leave me hangin for so long! update this bitch mamas!! lmao!!

and YES, haters everywhere!! it's like a disease out here in LA! lol!