tagged!

am i getting any better at updating? i've already gotten people up my ass about updating.. sorry, ya'll!

anyway, thankfully i got tagged by T.Michelle to do a "7 random/weird facts about yourself" list.. which i'll gladly do cuz it gives me something to write about, even tho this means i may be outing myself as some sort of freak. so here goes..

1. i hate, hate, haaaaate backless stairs [like these below]

ever since i was little, i had this ridiculous fear that i'd trip and fall thru the steps, splatter across the floor, and die a horrible death. and it doesn't help that i'm afraid of heights and get lightheaded if i was to look down, which would be the reason why i'd lose my balance on these stairs and fall off and die. and even worse - these stairs often times come with those flimsy rails that have bars that are like, 3 feet apart from each other. if i don't fall thru the steps, i'll fall thru those rails. whoever thought up of and designed these type of stairs need to be shoved thru those steps.

2. when i have multiple programs/windows open on my desktop, i have to have them in a specific order [especially at work] on my taskbar. and if one program has a spasm and crashes, unless it's the last window open, i have to shut down all my open programs/windows and reopen them.. in that specific order i have to have them in. it's sort of like how i have to have files named uniformly on my computer. and how i set the volume on my TV, radio, computer, etc to multiples of 5 [if the volume option comes up as a numeric number]. and how i hate to get my hands dirty so much so that if i must eat food with my hands, my thumbs and index fingers are the only two fingers that will touch the food. yup.. those are most of my quirks.

3. i don't like talking when i'm in the car. this goes for both as a driver and as a passenger. for me, car rides are a time for me to zone out. i like to just listen to music and let my mind wander.. i don't need to have some muthafucka all up in my ear yappin' about this shit or that shit, or how their day was, or whatever life-or-death situation they were in that day, etc.. it irritates me, okay? sometimes it bugs me so damn much, especially if the person is talking so goddamn much that i can't tune them out no matter how hard i try, that i will cut the him/her off in the middle of his/her sentence and tell them to shut the fuck up, which ends up making me look like superbitch. usually i'll apologize once we get out of the car tho. oh, and lemme mention that if i'm a passenger in a car going somewhere that takes more than 20 minutes, i will most likely fall asleep.. regardless of the time of day or whether or not i'm even tired.

4. i am a neat-freak. i can't stand a mess. i can't stand shit being unorganized. i am very OCD about my living area and it drives me INSANE when someone tries to re-organize my stuff. i can't stand dirty dishes in the sink or the trash not being taken out.. it bothers me without me even needing to see it. just knowing it's sitting there bothers me enough for me to get up [even if i'm sick in bed] and clean it up.

5. i believe that animals/rodents/bugs/insects have a world just like humans do - complete with their own 10 o'clock news. so every time i see a dead squirrel or animal in the street, i imagine that somewhere, their loved ones are out looking for them, wondering where they are, and that when their bodies are found, they end up on their news as another sad reminder to "not cross the street in busy traffic."

6. when i was about 11 years old, i came up with this brilliant idea to sell flowers to my neighbors to make money to "go to europe." i would pick flowers from our yard and our neighbors' yards, and go door-to-door with my friend selling them at 25 cents each. one day, my friend [who was asian] and i went to this one white woman's house a few streets down from ours, and tried to sell her flowers. she rudely declined and slammed the door in our face. as we were walking down her driveway, i saw a really pretty rose and decided to cut it off its stem and sell it. as soon as my scissors went snip, this evil bitch stormed out of her house and started berating us in front of all her neighbors on her street for picking her flower [like that shit don't grow back]. this broad was watching us from inside her house to make sure we got off her property.. and to this day, i still believe it's because we weren't white kids. anyway, she was so beyond pissed.. i was waiting for her eyes to pop out her head and for her to have a damn breakdown over her stupid ass flower. she ended up calling both our parents to snitch on us, and they had to come pick us up to escort us home like we were criminals. if that bitch is still around when i have kids, i'mma dump their shit on her lawn.

7. i have the hardest time correctly pronouncing the word "cal," which is ironic considering i attended uc berkeley. if i don't say it slowly [like i'm about to say the word "california" but stop after the first syllable], with a lot of effort and thought [thus sounding like a retard], it ends up sounding like "kel." somewhere, oski the bear is hanging his head in shame.

now i think i was supposed to tag 7 people.. but i don't even know that many people on here [sob]! and since i don't follow rules anyway, i will tag:

kat

teana

danielle

melody

OH, and i was gonna steal t.michelle's other blog about shit that pisses me off.. thought i'd have more time to do that, but i gotta study for my GMAT's.. so that's gonna have to wait for my next post!

momma, a lot of shit has changed!

i know.. it's been a minute since i've posted. i been tryna get back into writing on a regular basis, but i swear getting my ass to sit down and write a post is like tryna pluck a dude's eyebrows.. TOUGH!!

so anyway.. a lot of shit done changed since my last post. our country elected OBAMA to lead (yay!), but in one step back, california voted to ban same-sex marriage (boo!). prop 8 is a damn joke. the supporters of prop 8 are a joke, too. i don't buy into a damn thing they talking about.. protect marriage? FROM WHAT? marriage is a fuckin' joke. get at me about it when the divorce rate isn't 50%.. when people aren't cheating on their spouses.. when you stop allowing 18-year-olds to marry.. when you stop allowing people who've only known each other for a muthafuckin' WEEK to marry! and that hoopla about teaching marriage in school.. i'm sorry, but i've gone to school in california my whole life and for some reason, i don't recall for the life of me EVER learning about marriage in school. and i won't even get into the mormon church and the hypocrisy they stand for with their polygamy-lovin' asses.

moving on. mr. bitchassness from my last post has fallen off the face of MY earth - thank the lord! after callin' him out on all his bitchassness, he pouted and stopped talking to me [after complaining that i'm hella mean.. yeah, yeah, tell me something i don't already know]. anyway, i don't know which hole he crawled back into to cry and untangle his nuts from his panties, and i don't give a damn! if i didn't call him out, someone else would have, so whatever.

in other news.. ya'll, your girl is SMITTEN! this dude, let's call him isaac.. i swear, i ain't felt this many butterflies in my tummy since i first met trey. it's ridiculous how fuckin' FINE this brotha is. now i don't typically go for the light-skinned, "pretty" boys [really!], especially those that have hella tattoos [a couple are cool].. but this guy is all of the above. he's what i would consider "pretty".. but still rugged. he's hood.. but educated. he's basically tupac with a college degree. LEMME WIFE HIM UP!!! naw, forreals.. and he works with at-risk kids [aww]. and his body.. mmm.. okay, i'mma stop. anyway, we been kickin' it for about a month now.. i usually i get bored by now, but NO! he is growing on me like crazy.. i am so damn attracted to him, that every time i'm with him, i just wanna hump the shit outta him. but since i'mma lady, i've controlled myself around him.. so far. siiiiigh. i swear it's never been this hard to hold back! and i promise it's not just all physical attraction.. we really do mesh well. he's real kick back and came off as a little shy when we first met [which is what attracted me even more to him].. but hopefully he doesn't turn out to be crazy and deranged. fuck that, even if he is crazy and deranged, i'd still hit, HA! naw, but really.. i do enjoy being with him.. and as confused as i was not that long ago about the situation with me and trey, i think it's safe to say.. isaac could be just what i need to move in a new direction. it's funny how similar the two of them are, yet different at the same time. isaac has all the qualities in trey that i fell for, and the qualities that i wished that trey had [the attentiveness]. but we'll see how it goes.. i'll keep ya'll updated.

besides that, there hasn't been anything else exciting in my life. i'm still studying for my GMATs like crazy. that shit is making my brain hurt. i'm THISCLOSE to sayin' fuck it to grad school. OH, and i'm moving into a new apartment next week and i couldn't be more excited! i'm so tired of this inconsiderate muthafucka that lives below me who sound like he's constantly playing basketball upside down in his apartment. so i'm making it a point to stomp, jump, and run around in my apartment during my last week here. childish, yes. but ya'll should already know by now that i'm not above that kinda shit, haha.

p.shitty WAS right..

BITCHASSNESS IS A DISEASE!!!!

i am so fuckin' irritated. what the FUCK is up with niggas actin' like muthafuckin' BITCHES?!! these fools walk around actin' like they hard and shit but the minute you say something that they don't like, even as a JOKE, they start cryin' like a bitch. and when i say "say something they don't like" i'm talkin' about tellin' them they ugly and some shit. you know, TRIVIAL shit. i ain't said shit about yo' momma or nothing. like who the fuck really cares if you look pretty or not when you wake up, or how your body is so big and buff it makes your head look like a pea, or whether or not those basketball shorts make your ass look fat. do you REALLY need my approval that bad?

and why the fuck do niggas play GAMES like bitches do?!! i mean, really.. how mature is it to:

1. berate someone cuz they pissed you off and then

2. delete their phone number/delete them off your friends list on facebook or myspace/burn the sheets they used to lay on/etc and then

3. find their number again/add them to your friends list on facebook or myspace/buy the same sheets you burned/etc and contact them again out of the blue and act like you're normal and done trippin' and then

4. berate them again cuz they said something to piss you off?

are you OBSESSED? CRAZY? PATHETIC? all of the above?

keep it movin' with your unstable emotional ass. and if i were you, i'd look down once a month and check to make sure my nuts ain't bleeding. sensitive ass bitch.

go shawty, it's yo' birfday! and yours.. and his.. and hers..

august is a busy, busy month! there are too many damn people doing the nasty in nov/dec because EVERYBODY has a birthday in august or september! i am old as shit now and i can only handle so many club/bar/party/get-togethers per month, so all ya'll aug/sept babies better get together and throw a combined party or two, or don't get all pissy on me if i'm still too hungover from the previous night to make it to your bash the next night.

last weekend i had gone out to san francisco to celebrate two of my homeboys' birthdays. they had their own VIP section, bottle service, the whole nine yards. i headed out to the city with my girls, and between the 4 of us we killed a bottle of patron and a bottle of e&j. we were running on typical CP time, so we rolled up to that joint extra late. but because we were lookin' super fly - albeit slightly frazzled and not to mention tipsy - the bouncers still let us in without having to pay cover. YES! the place was cool.. by that i mean i was surrounded by folks my age and the DJ was playing music we can currently still hear playing on the radio. i was dancing with my girls when this one tall, cute ass brotha approached me and asked me to dance. shiiit.. ain't gotta ask me twice, lookin' as cute as you are! so we're dancing and shit.. next thing i know, this one tiny ass asian chick slides up next to us and starts grinding on ol' boy. i'm like, whatever, yo.. and start to back off, but this chick grabs me and pulls me in between her and dude and screams into my ear, "that's my boyfriend you're dancing with!" i'm like, OH.. i didn't know.. my bad! she screams, "no, it's okay! don't worry about it, girl!" i'm like, okaaaay.. cool, thx. but i'm already getting a lil' uneasy [and the dancing + patron + e&j + grey goose + flashing lights + heat was getting to me anyway].. something about this chick just didn't seem right. she came off to me as one of those sickening sweet broads that you sleep with, and wake up the next morning to her standing over you with a knife, while stroking your hair. so i'm tryin' to inch my way away from her and her man.. and she grabs me again, yells, "GIRL, you have to grind up on him!!" and proceeds to shove me into her man's crotch. at this point, i am like, WTF?!! so now this dude is rubbing all up on me dancing.. and his girlfriend is all up in my face tryna grind on me.. i'm like, oh, no, no, NO! and then this chick yells at me, "you are SOOOO pretty! my boyfriend pointed you out to me and i was like, 'damn! i gotta get her to dance with us! and maybe more! hehe!'" okay, as flattered as i was.. i was NOT down with whatever kinky ass swingers shit the two of these muthafuckas had goin' on in their relationship. i pushed her lil' ass outta my way and decided i had enough dancing for the night. forreals, i think ya'll were at the WRONG CLUB.. they must have been looking for the power exchange. anyway, overall this outing was MUCH more successful than the previous one [noted in my last entry].

today, or should i say yesterday since it's now officially sunday morning, was one of my girl's birthdays, so we had a girls-only luncheon to celebrate. she invited me and a couple of our other girlfriends from college, and a few of her own personal friends that the rest of us never met. these "other friends" of hers.. umm, well, they showed up high [you know i ain't knockin' that cuz anybody who knows me knows me and MJ are real tight.. um, i mean used to be, yeah]. anyway, you could tell these girls were the type of people who weren't about shit in their lives.. no jobs, no direction, nothing. more power to you if that's you, but i don't roll with those types. anyway, they picked some expensive ass restaurant to have lunch at, but since i wasn't very hungry anyway at 11-muthafuckin'-30 in the morning, i ordered a $13 dish. these lit bitches were ordering $30 dishes, plus appetizers, and a $50 bottle of wine. i was thinkin' in my head.. these muthafuckin' whores better be paying for their own shit.. ESPECIALLY after they killed the bottle of wine and ordered A SECOND BOTTLE! so you know i was PISSED when the bill came and one of the girls grabbed it and announced, "$350! umm.. let's split it evenly among all of us except the birthday girl." me and my girls looked at each other and we were all thinkin' the same shit. OMG, i wanted to grab those two empty bottles of wine and beat the living shit outta those scandalous ass hoes. let it be known, i HATE it when i go eat with a group of people and they want to split the bill equally among everybody. that shit is a bitch move.. if your ass is bold enough to order a $35 filet mignon for muthafuckin' lunch, your ass better be rich enough to pay for that shit. don't piggy-back off other people. man, my girls and i were HEATED. tell me why i shelled out damn near $90 for a grilled chicken sandwich? that, hands down, was the MOST EXPENSIVE chicken i've EVER had.. i sure hope that bird used to shit out colorless and flawless diamonds. or at least premium gas.

anyway.. i'm going back to LA next weekend.. i'm excited! i think the last time i went home was back in march/april? anyway, i had gone to vegas for labor day last year, so this year i decided to be more low-key and just go home and chill with my family.

oh yeah, i've also decided to go back to school for my masters.. i've been playin' around with the idea for the past year. i bought the GMAT prep book and had been half-assed studying, but i actually went and signed up for the exam a few weeks ago.. so it's REAL now. i'm taking my GMAT exam at the end of this year, and should be starting school by this time next year. i'm excited, but nervous.. i feel like i've been outta school for so long cuz my brain turns into mush every time i open that damn book! sigh. wish me luck.

i need to sleep.. yes, i know, i still owe you an entry about trey.. i think.. it may come, it may not.. my feelings on that changes daily, haha. NIGHT!

party in my wheelchair!

so after numerous threats from certain people *couKATgh*.. and requests for updates from others, i'm updating. geez. i actually shouldn't have updated this soon.. should've made ya ass wait.. but i don't have shit else to do right now anyway. haha.

really haven't done much this past week. just working my ass off cuz we're getting into our "busy season" at work right now. OH, this past weekend, i ended up going to some bar out in san jose for one of my girl's birthday. what a waste of gas, time, and most importantly, a fly ass outfit. this place was soooo damn weak. this was clearly the place where the baby boomers in the bay get hyphy. i swear, that crowd was so damn old, i was waiting for someone to blurt out, "m-m-mom?!!" into the crowd. plus, the DJ was playin' some old ass songs.. i thought i walked into 2002. so within 3 minutes of arriving, i grabbed one of my girls and we made a beeline to the bar, hoping to drink some fun into our night. i usually just take straight shots so i really don't have a particular drink.. so i ended getting what my girl was getting, which was vodka and cranberry.. and i know it ain't been that long since i went out and drank, and i'm not the expert on mixed drinks since i rather throw back shots, but am i wrong or are you supposed to actually TASTE alcohol in a mixed drink? ughh.. so we grudgingly paid for our cup of cranberry juice.. but whatever, on the bright side, thx to the dude behind the bar with his weak wrist, at least i won't be getting a UTI any time soon.

so i must have stayed at the nursing home - i mean, bar for about 15 mins tops. i was so pissed someone our age would even PICK this spot.. i mean, dude, i know you a year older now and shit.. but that don't mean we gotta party with our parents now! i even tried to enjoy the evening by posting up in the courtyard outside the bar and people-watch, but even the white folks there couldn't entertain me enough. i would have fallen asleep had it not been for ja rule screaming thru the speakers about having a fetish for fuckin' a chick with a skirt on, in the back seat of his yukon. i had had enough. i found the birthday girl, told her i had to get up early to go to church the next morning [sorry, Jesus], and bounced. of course, on my way out, this crusty ol' brutha who had to be in his 50's, passed by me on his way in, stopped and whistled, "daaaamn, lil' lady.. do i KNOW you?" i was like, HELL NAW you don't know me! he starts, "you remind me of someone.. " perhaps your DAUGHTER? cuz you look the same age as my daddy and that ain't cool. oh, yeah.. he finishes his sentence with the ever-so-lame line, ".. my new wife!" umm, NEGATIVE. please keep it movin' with ya balding head, year-old braids [yes, he was balding but braided what hair was left on his head], and ashy knuckles. YUP, i seen it.

since it was still early when i left the bar, i called up trey [since i knew he was in san jose that weekend with some of his frat bruhs] and kicked it with him for a minute. umm, oh yeah, i do have something to say about the whole situation with him.. but it's 11:30 pm [which is past my bedtime] so i'mma go to sleep now. i'll save that post for another day.

man.. what the fuck kinda weed was that..

this past weekend, trey and his frat bruhs had a BBQ in oakland. he had invited me so i rolled thru with a couple of my girls. tell me why the muthafucka from my last blog was at the BBQ, too?!! i mean.. what the fuck! damn, yo.. does this fool need to be up at every single goddamn BBQ in the bay?!! seriously, i think he just follows his nose and shows up to eat! i'm still amazed he can know so many college-educated people, many of which he claims he is tight with, yet he is so dumb himself. and of course, dude seen me at the BBQ and first thing he said to me was, "aye, ma.. didn't i tell you i'd find ya?" oh, LORD.. here comes the crazy. i was just like, yeah, whatever.. please get up outta my face. then he went on to tell me how hurt he is that i don't return his phone calls, or texts, and how i'm hella cold and insensitive to his feelings.. blah blah muthafuckin' BLAH. forreals?!! DUDE IS SUCH A WOMAN!!! i don't give a damn about your feelings, man.. SHIT! he really just does not get it. thank god he had to leave the BBQ early for whatever reason.. but 30 minutes after he left, he was already blowin' up my phone again and sent me a text saying "even tho you mean as hell for ignoring me, you still looked beautiful, ma. and i like it!" uhhh.. moving on.

quick background info on trey for those of ya'll who don't already know the story. he and i were in this trainwreck of a relationship about 4-5 years ago. damn, has it been that long? yup.. junior/senior years of college. anyway.. it was a mess.. and we just started talking on the regular again maybe in late 2007? we started kickin' it again a couple months ago. a lot has changed with us.. we can actually be in the same room together for more than 10 minutes without fighting. PROGRESS! haha. but forreals, a lot can change in 4-5 years.. we've both been in other relationships, we've both graduated from college, and we both grew the fuck up. he is still the one guy who can still give me butterflies after all this time, and after all the shit we been thru with each other. so after the BBQ, my girls and i went back to one of his frat bruh's house with him to help clean up. we finished up some drank and then smoked [and since i've been outta school, my tolerance has gone to SHIT and i haven't smoked in a year] and watched step it up 2. afterwards, trey and i went back to his place and just talked. he told me about his recent trip to atlanta and then we talked about ryan.. and after talking to trey about it, i think it just re-affirmed to myself that i made the right decision. i realized i definitely was not in love with ryan.. i love him, that's real.. but wasn't in love. trey definitely helped me realize that. how funny. anyway, i did end up spending the night at his place.. and man, i dunno what the fuck it was, if it was the weed or what we did.. but i woke up feeling like everything was clear as hell to me and feeling more confused than ever.. all at the same time. sorry, kat, i know you're probably shaking your head in disappointment at me right now :( haha.

yeah, i definitely need to focus on new players on my roster.. but i can't help but recycle my MVP.. siiigh.

you did NOT make it on my team.. in fact, you need to get outta my damn ARENA!

yes, it's 4 pm on a thursday and my ass is AT HOME! YAY for short work days! as soon as we got the OK from the boss to leave early, my ass was out the door. i was planning on using my extra hours of freedom to go do some shopping and get a mani/pedi.. but it is so freakin' HOT that by the time i got back to my apartment, i didn't wanna leave. haha.

so since i'm single now, i'm really enjoying my freedom. i love being single. i don't really think i'm that great at relationships. i don't like having someone to answer to, i don't like having to worry about someone else, and i don't do the romance mushy shit. but i do enjoy being showered with attention, and tho i'm too damn lazy [and busy] to do the whole dating thing, i have been meeting guys and the ones who make the cut, i've added to my roster. the others.. well, they just don't need to be interacting with other humans.

a couple weekends ago, i went to this BBQ with my old college roomies. there was this one guy there.. tall, dark, pretty cute.. plus he had a nice, round, plump, perky BOOTY! mmm mmm MMM!! anyway, he seemed cool, so we exchanged phone numbers. i quickly realized after talking to him that i needed to mark a big fat "HELLLLL NO!!!" on his forehead and send his ass back to where he came from.

STRIKE 1 [after i tell him about my job]:
him: oh, so you like have to go to school for that, huh?
me: yeah.
him: so where do you go?
me: i actually already graduated.
him: from where?
me: uc berkeley
him: oh wow, ma. that's like a really good school, isn't it? isn't it 4 years?
me: um, yeah.
him: so you smart, ma! that's wassup.
me: yeah. what about you?
him: oh, naw.. school and me don't mix. shiiit, i hardly made it thru the 4 years of HIGH SCHOOL, and niggas out there tryna go back for another 4 years?!! ya'll TRIPPIN'! i mean, i got respect for those who go to college and shit, but naw.. it ain't for me.

STRIKE 2.. and 3, and 4.. [talking about our past relationships]:
him: it's hard for me to start up something new with a female cuz my baby momma crazy. she one of them crazy girls who don't want nobody else to have me, ya feel me?
me: okay.
him: me and her got into it a few months ago.. so of course since i'm the man, i got arrested for assault and battery. and then the bitch took a restraining order out on me and i can't see my daughter!
me: ........

so on top of not believing in higher education, this dude has a child, has a restraining order against him, and refers to his ex as "bitch." [as much as i love that word and the fact that that word comes out my mouth like verbal diarrhea, i don't like it when a guy refers to a female by that term] and he calls me "ma" every 3 minutes. ughhh.. NO GROWN ASS MAN NEEDS TO BE CALLIN' ME "MA" unless i'm 60 years old and once pushed you outta my vajayjay!!!! of course, i've since decided that this fool does not deserve any of my anytime minutes.. 39214783175 roll-over minutes included! the last time we talked, i actually hung up on him in the middle of a conversation [even at&t drops calls once in a while!]. so he's been callin' and callin' and textin' and leaving me messages like, "aye, ma.. what's good.. just thinkin' of yo' sexy self.. hit me back! don't make me have to find you [evil chuckle]!" a restraining order? against YOU? noooo.. i can't imagine.

what a waste of a nice, perky ass. damn shame.

i love drama. as long as it ain't mines!

i know it's been a minute.. i'm tryna get back into blogging and shit, but it's hard.. especially since i don't have much to write about cuz all i do all damn day is work, eat, shit, and sleep.

anyway, this one couple who lives in the BUILDING NEXT TO US is constantly fighting. they really got into it earlier this evening. i love this shit cuz i'm so muthafuckin' nosy when it comes to other people's drama.. i'm in my room with the lights off, windows wide open and pressed up against it tryna hear what shit is going down today. it's tough to hear everything cuz the girl is screaming hella loud and talkin' way too damn fast [you know how us females get when we excited] and the guy is mumbling and shit.. so all i could make out is:

her: MAYBE IF YOU PICKED UP YO' PHONE, I WOULDN'T BE TRIPPIN'!!
him: WHY YOU GOTTA BE ON MY CASE ALL THE DAMN TIME, DAAAMN!! mumble, mumble, mumble..
her: IF YOU WASN'T BEING SO GODDAMN SHADY, I WOULDN'T BE ON YOU LIKE THAT! YOU ALWAYS TRYNA PLAY ME AND SHIT!!!
him: DAMN, QUIT YELLING!!! mumble, mumble, mumble..
her: I'M YELLIN' CUZ YOU DON'T HEAR ME, NIG-GAAAA.
him: FUCK YOU, GIMME MY KEYS BACK! mumble, mumble, mumble..
her: I AIN'T GIVING YOU SHIIIIIT!!!!!

silence.. then i hear a door slam.. car starts up.. so i peek out my window to see if i can see what's going on.. and ol' boy is in his car about to drive off, when his pissed-the-fuck-off woman comes charging outta their house with a tall ass kitchen trashcan.. and THROWS THAT SHIT AT HIS CAR AS HE'S DRIVING OFF!! hahahaaaaaaaa! dude stops his car, gets out, and screams:

him: WHAT THE FUCK.. ?!?!?!!! BITCH, YOU PUT A DENT IN MY CAR!!!
her: AND????
him: YOU CRAZY.. YOU 'BOUT TO PAY FOR THE BODY WORK AND NEW PAINT.
her: I AIN'T PAYIN' FOR SHIIIIT, NIG-GAAA!!!!!
him: YES YOU ARE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THREW A MUTHAFUCKIN' TRASH CAN AT MY CAR!
her: HAVE THAT OTHER BITCH PAY FOR IT!

ol' boy jumps back into his car and skee-skirts outta there. DAMN, i wish i lived closer so i could get ALL the juicy details. dude, this shit is so entertaining, i kid you not. this same couple woke me up a couple days ago at 10 in the damn morning [and i was mad cuz i like to sleep in on the weekends] with their fighting and i thought someone was watching maury. with all that fighting, they better be having some bomb ass make-up sex. otherwise it ain't worth it to stay together, ha.

i have some other updates for ya'll in regards to trey and some new players that i've added to my roster.. but i don't have the time to write about it right now. i'll be sure to write another entry hopefully soon about that.

i hate [almost] equally!

thank you, anonymous poster, for your comment on my last entry!! i really wish you would have left your name, or some contact information, so i could make this more personable.

i SOUND like a racist? oh, honey.. please stick around and continue reading my shit because i wanna know how you feel about me talkin' shit about the mexican guy in my building coming home drunk and cursing in the middle of the courtyard at 2 am, or about the black guy who lives downstairs who blasts his music throughout the night so nobody in the building can get a peaceful night's rest regardless of the complaints, or just how damn difficult it is to deal with our middle-eastern clients at work, or about how many times i've cheated death while driving thru a crowded asian supermarket parking lot filled with angry lil' asian women behind the wheels of their toyota corollas.. PLEASE!!

assholism crosses all color lines. i have no tolerance for assholes - black assholes, white assholes, mexican assholes, asian assholes - i don't fuckin' care if the damn united nations got together and had an orgy and 9 months later you popped out.. assholes are assholes. well, wait.. okay, i admit.. i may have less tolerance for white folks and i may pick on them more and i may not feel as bad for a struggling white man as i do a struggling black/latino/asian man. so if i'm "racist" because i get a LITTLE more worked up when a WHITE MAN escorts me out of a store in front of all the other customers like i'm some kind of criminal, then great.. i was really worried there for a minute that perhaps you did not see my "i hate white people" tattoo on my forehead! [for those who have a life pass on the short bus: note the sarcasm, kthx]

let this be a disclaimer: i talk a lot of shit about people who tickle me the wrong way. i don't give a damn what color they are. if they piss me off, they piss me the FUCK off! i will continue to mention characteristics of them, including their fucked up teeth, messed up hair, lack of style, and other details of how they look. i like to think i'm painting a picture for my readers. if you don't like what i have to write please don't read it. nobody is forcing you to read my shit and nobody asked for your fuckin' opinion.

sorry, must be my "angry little mixed girl syndrome."

go preach to someone who also thinks it "sucks" and actually gives a fuck.

i have no problem managing my anger.. as long as you don't PISS ME OFF!

never in my 25 years of life have i ever thought i'd one day be ESCORTED out of anywhere, much less the muthafuckin' DOLLAR STORE! what.. the.. FUCK.

so earlier this week, i had to go buy some garbage bags and i wasn't tryna pay no $6.99 for some bags at target when the dollar tree across the street sells them for $1. apparently, the dollar tree closes at 9 pm, right.. i get there at 8:55 pm. so technically, I HAVE 5 MUTHAFUCKIN' MINUTES LEFT TO GRAB MY SHIT! so you'd think! why when i walk up to the door, this 75-year-old wrinkly white man who obviously had a dick left in his asshole from the night before, stops me and tells me curtly, "sorry, we're closed." i look at the sign that says they close at 9 pm, glance down at my watch and it says 8:55 pm, and respond, "you close at 9. it's not 9 yet. i just need to get one thing." he shakes his head and repeats, "sorry, CLOSED!" and slams the sliding door close in my face. i'm standing there thinking, what a fucking BITCH. so i walk back to my car.. think about it.. and decide to go back to get my garbage bags. i see people coming out of the store and the wrinkly wannabe-rent-a-cop man who wouldn't let me in is standing by a cashier with his back to me so i see this as an opportunity to sneak in. so i run in, but i guess the cashier must have seen me and pointed me out, and what do you know.. wannabe-rent-a-cop corners me when i get to the third aisle and says, "sorry, WE'RE CLOSED! you need to leave!" i need to leave?!! now this is happening right in front of the line of 8-10 people waiting to check-out.. so i'm beyond pissed at this point because this white man is tryna make me look bad in front of all the other customers! HELL NAW.. obviously grandpa don't know AKI!!! so i say [just as loud].. "i only want one thing, i know exactly what i want and it's RIGHT THERE [within arm's reach]. i can't get it?" he shakes his head and moves in closer to me, arm reaching out to guide me out, and says, "NO, YOU CAN'T! the cash register is closed!" WHAT?!! i look behind him at the line of people and am like, "what the fuck you mean the cashier is closed?!! there are PEOPLE STILL IN LINE! it is not even 9 yet. all i want is ONE THING.. it's the fuckin' dollar store.. this shit is $1.08 with tax! i don't need a fuckin' cashier with her fancy register to tell me that, i'll just give you the fuckin' money!" now i'm ranting and raving because i am so pissed that this man 1) turned me away 5 minutes before closing, 2) made me sneak back into the store, 3) hunted me down to stop me from buying my garbage bags, and 4) was doing all of this in front of everybody else. so i didn't give a fuck. and when the old man actually touched my shoulder to escort me out of the store, oh no.. that's a NO-NO. you don't touch me if you don't know me.. i sure as hell did scream at him to not fuckin' touch me. he just kept inching me towards the door.. so i was like FUCK IT.. i'm done. what a bitch.. i hope i did give him a fuckin' heart attack, old ass muthafuckin' BITCH!!! but hey.. can't blame him.. if i was 75-years-old and still working at the DOLLAR TREE as a fake ass DOOR MAN, i, too, would act like that. OH, and you already know i told him exactly that as he was escorting me out the store. AND i said it loud enough to embarrass his geriatric ass.

oh, and i think the old man was scared of me, too.. cuz he was watching me from inside the store to make sure i got into my car and left, before he came back outside. OMG, if i was allowed to, you best believe i would have run his ass down with my car and spit on his pasty white ass as i drove off! i am getting all worked up again just writing about this.. but i'll be damned if someone [especially an old ass white man] was to talk to me the way he did, treat me like a criminal and escort me out a store. the FUCK do you think you ARE?!! and all this stemmed from his bitch ass not letting me in the store 5 minutes before closing. hey, buddy.. i don't work at the dollar store making minimum wage like you do, so i don't need to do all my shopping there! it's not like i was gonna shop around in that fuckin' store.. i need ONE THING and i knew exactly where it was at. and with 10 people still in line waiting to check-out, the hell would one more be?!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

anyway, ryan broke his ankle playing basketball, so i've been busy taking care of his crippled ass. see how nice i am? tho i'll admit.. taking care of people is sooo not me, haha. forreals.. i've noticed every man [my father, brothers, boyfriends, male friends, etc] all act like the world is coming to an end when they are sick. i mean, really? sheesh, caring for a sick man is like caring for a CHILD! fuck birth control.. just having to take care of someone and answer to their every call is enough to tell me that i am NOT ready for no child any time soon, haha.

anyway, it's finally friday and i can [hopefully] get some relaxation in. i need it. it's been one stressful week and if i don't get any R&R i swear i'll hurt some bitches.

doing ME, cuz it's the best i can do..

this is like the 3rd time i've started this particular post. i had to take a break because i seen this big ass red spider crawling on my ceiling and i really did not want it to get lazy, lose its grip, and fall on my bed.. or worse, my head. i couldn't kill it cuz i'm not tall enough to reach the ceiling, so i turned off the lights, left the room [thus leaving this blog half-finished], took a shower.. and when i just came back into the room, the spider is nowhere to be found. so i'm sitting here, hella paranoid that the lil bitch is probably chillin' somewhere in my closet, under my clothes.. or on the floor and i'mma step on it. ughhh.. let's hope it doesn't eat me alive in my sleep tonight.

anyway, i guess i should give ya'll a lil update on my personal life. for those of you who haven't heard yet, ya girl is SINGLE now! it was my decision and had nothing to do with anything ryan did or didn't do. i just came to the realization that i wasn't as invested in our relationship as he was. i started picking fights over bullshit. he's hurting over this, i know, but i gotta do me for a minute. he is truly a GREAT guy, and perhaps one of the BEST men i've ever met and will probably ever know. i love him, but honestly, i'm not in love with him.. and your heart will feel what it feels, and sometimes it unfortunately doesn't agree with what you head wants to feel. i do think tho, if it were a different time.. our relationship probably would have worked, and it probably would have lasted.. and dare i say, lasted FOREVER. but i guess our timing was off.. i don't think i gave myself an opportunity to truly heal from my relationship with trey, and that's where i fucked up. even tho ryan and i didn't become official until nearly a year after i ended things with trey, ryan was still very THERE in my life 7-8 months prior to us becoming official. so i basically had a true 3-4 months of being single. in a way, i feel like ryan became a rebound that happened to last 2.5 years. i'm not saying my feelings for ryan weren't real, because they are.. but at this point in my life, i'm not getting any younger, and if i can't see a future with the man i am in a serious relationship with, i don't need to be in a serious relationship. maybe this ME time might be exactly what i need to show myself that i really DO want to be with ryan, or maybe it will just confirm to me that hey.. it's not where i need to be right now.

as for the dating scene.. i'm really not tryna do it. however, there is this one guy who is definitely tryna change my mind. and i'd be lyin' like a muthafucka if i said i wasn't feelin' him, cuz i am. but i'm not about to jump into nothing serious with nobody right now because it's gonna end up blowing up in my face, and i can't disrespect ryan like that. plus, if dude is real with me about his feelings for me, he'll wait around. i'll see how things progress, and don't worry.. i'll keep ya'll updated.

as for my work life.. same ol' shit. i currently work in the health benefits/insurance industry, and i'll just say.. the types of people i get to deal with on a daily basis are some CHARACTERS, man! i spent a good chunk of my day dealing with this crazy vietnamese woman and an unpaid medical bill from 2006 that had gone to collections.. for an outstanding balance of - get this - $3.52!!! yes, yes.. i kid you not.. this stupid bitch let this claim go to COLLECTIONS over an amount that is not even enough to pay for a gallon of gas! it was a whole bunch of:

crazy bitch: i don't get it. why i have to pay?
me: because it's your co-insurance.
crazy bitch: what! no, why i need to pay? i already pay my premium! why i need co-insurance? don't i have co-pay?
me: yes, you actually have a $20 co-pay for this particular claim, however your insurance processed the claim incorrectly and instead of having you pay a $20 co-pay, they are having you pay co-insurance which comes out to $3.52.
crazy bitch: no, no.. still why i need to pay $3.52? i already have CO-PAY! already paid my PREEEMIUM!!!

DUDE, your premium has nothing to do with your benefits! it still amazes me how many people think just cuz they payin' premiums that they don't need to pay nothing else. ha, i WISH! i was THISCLOSE to just telling this broad, LOOK BITCH.. IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN PAY THE $20 CO-PAY INSTEAD! geeez.. goddamn.. either pay the fuckin' $3.52 that you owe in co-insurance or quit cryin' about it going to collections! i swear to bob i think sometimes these folks purposely try to make other people's jobs harder than it needs to be, ha.

this is all you're getting from me today. and i still haven't seen that damn spider..

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY EVERY DAY, BITCH!

YUP, that's right.. ya girl is 25 today! damn.. where the hell did the years go. 25 sounds so fuckin' GROWN. ever since i turned 21, i find myself getting all down around my birthday each year.. i don't WANT to be another year older! then i realize.. on my 50th birthday, i'mma WISH i was turning 25! so i might as well suck it up and enjoy it. :) since it's thursday, i can't celebrate my birthday the way i want today.. but i will be this weekend! cuz it's my muthafuckin' birthday every damn day!

dude.. i have GOT to move outta this place as soon as my lease is up. the people who live in this complex are some characters, i tell ya! last night, i was awakened in the middle of the goddamn night by some bitch ass muthafucka standing outside screaming on his phone at his girl, some broad named jimena. all i heard for a good 45 mins was:

guy: why do you always make me look bad in front of your girls? YES, you do! oh my god, jimena, you DO! all the muthafuckin' time!
..
guy: where the fuck are you right now? see, you're out.. and i'm at home! i'm at home tryna work shit out with you! and your ass is out.
..
guy: i call your mom because i can never get a hold of you to talk this out! that's why i call your momma! c'mon, jimena.. don't be like that.. no, what? WHAT THE HELL.. cuz i muthafuckin' LOVE yo' ass, girl!
..
guy: you know what then.. you can come back and get your damn things and get the fuck out!
..
guy: wait, look.. i'm sorry. why do you treat me like shit all the time? damn, jimena.. why??????

DUDE, i will tell you why your girl jimena don't wanna be with you. cuz you WHINE and CRY like a bitch. fellas.. if ya'll gon' air your dirty laundry in the middle of the night for half of the building to hear, please man up and tell your girl some shit like, "don't worry about it.. i'll have your shit packed and outside the door when you get back!" don't threaten to kick her out and then apologize and ask her why she treats you like animal. forreals, if you gon' act like a bitch, please bitch it out in the privacy of your own damn home.

ughhh.. yes, i am so tired of all the inconsiderate bastards who live in this complex, making noise at all hours of the morning AND night. clearly you don't have a job, but other folks do and we NEED OUR MUTHAFUCKIN' SLEEP! that's why ya'll get the late rent notice on your door each month. tsk, tsk. grown ass folks with 5 kids and a new SUV, but no money to pay the rent. damn shame.

anyway, that's all the "write" i have in me right now.. i'll try to update on a regular basis. i really do need to get back into blogging mode.

popping my cherry..

my blogging cherry that is! it feels like losing my virginity, but with less nervousness and pain.

YAY i'm back to writing.. i'm excited. i'll prolly get like 3 readers on this shit.. but i don't give a damn. i've been on a blogging hiatus, mainly because i've been so busy with work and the drama in my life has died down since i graduated.

anyway.. i'm still tryna get used to how to navigate around this site.. this shit is real complicated, man. too many buttons and options and links.. but i'll figure this out.

i'll be back later to write more!